my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
