she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
