Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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