Pants 0. Shit 1.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
