I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
