her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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