i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
