My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
