Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
