I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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