I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
where does the pee come out of this thing
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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