So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize