i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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