He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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