he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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