All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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