Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Your cock deserves a montage
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
