I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
