I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
