I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
