Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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