I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
