She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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