Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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