Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
