we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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