Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
