Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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