didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
