So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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