Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
