I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
that is very illegal...i love you.
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