what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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