I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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