Just mADE A PArabola og urine
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
