take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
false alarm, still single
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
