How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
