i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
