They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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