I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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