He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
