Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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