lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
