she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize