There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
