haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
