when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize