I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
