READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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