I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
