you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
