So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
