today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
