He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize