I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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