I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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