Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
