Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
