I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
