I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
