Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
