just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
