You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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