I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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