you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
