This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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