Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
