I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
