Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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