i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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