I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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